of good sunshine mornings, sweet night kisses and everything in between

the cliche “your ownself is your greatest enemy” was never a failure. it is often, as much as always, in most situations, true. you know your own stengths, leading you to strike into your most weakest points. and this is what other people dont realize. (there could be some exemption, like your bestest bud). no matter how much you deny yourself and pretend to be somebody else in front of others, you can never lie to your own, how much you try to. at times, it may work out, but you dont have to wait for a lightyear to pass for reality to strike you out. and then later, ouch! and much later, you would prefer to bottle down the frustrations and depressions inside, no matter what way you want. well as for me, some animal in a jar is the best excuse to hurting and pain, but was never really an escape to never ending happiness.

i have always been myself’s worst enemy. and i was never a failure in portraying the role. in fact, im good at it. very good in hauling myself to some closed vault filled with snakes of all sorts, rodents, cockroaches, and red roses with a thousand thorns. as much as i have tried to sort things out and forget those that needed to be in the septic tank right now, i just couldnt. you see, i really know where to strike. the spot where i know il have my own self drop like a log, falt unto the ground. and when its done, i have a part crying and the other one laughing its heart out. i would prefer that one who’s laughing to be on top of everything. but sadly, as much as time would let, the laughing lasts for just a couple of minutes, and the crying  part is coupled a hundred times.

i would really love to laugh. but right now, joker’s got his cards on me.

how i miss the old nyts, the barbecue sessions where we had to walk the downtown just to find some good food. how i miss the times when i used to stare at the sky and recognize the moon and the stars beneath the cloudy scene.the good laughs i shared with some good friends and the ncie songs we used to sing together.

somebody shut down my windows to the world. i dit it myself. i thought it would have to be good.but its not. its really not.

Last weekend, we had our uncle buried. He is a cousin of my mom and though our families were really not that superclose, you know how Filipino families work, right? So despite the heavy sched i had last Thursday and Friday, we hurried to Compostela last Saturday to pay respect.

actually, i thought we wouldnt make it. i got up around 12 noon last Sat so, our aunt left us. it would really be expensive to bring 5 people to Compostela, not to mention the long trip, the hot sun and the dusts. that would really be soooo haggard. its a good thing that my pop volunteered our uugod-ugod jeepney (which is already 21 years old so its understandable). looking at its condition, you would right there and then hesitate to go. i did. and its really true to listen to your instincts! we did not make it with our grandpa jeepney. we even didnt make it out of davao yet when at the junction of Buhangin and Panacan the engine went off. that was already 5 pm and i lost my hopes. my cousin and i went ahead of my pop and his assistant Kuya Ricky since they would be fixing grandpa jeepney. but when we reached home, there was a truck parked in front of our house. then my dad called me and said to pack things up since we’d be leaving for Compostela in 5 minutes. i was shocked, amazed and excited at the same time. would pop really want to go there badly enough to borrow a vehicle from uncle bong? it was something new since ive known long before, that pop and my mom’s relatives arent going quite smooth. of course, pop was very vocal about it, which sparks most of our arguments.

three of us, bikbik, evanjikay and me, were seated on the backpart. it was already around 9 in the evening when we headed for Compostela so just imagine how cold it was! and worst, there were occasional rainshowers! though there was a large plastic tent to protect us from the rain, we still ended up wet reaching the venue after four hours of long travel. there was a warm welcome from our relatives that made the event looked like a reunion.

oh well, practically, you may see it that way since we only get to see each other when somebody in the family tree dies. ours is a very huge clan that i didnt even recognize the others. there were aunts and uncles and cousins and more children! there were lolos and lolas too.

getting reunited in a group this big after 2 years (the last was during my mom’s wake), nevertheless, i should say it was fun. aside from the coffin lights that is obvious from the streets, the gathering seemed more of a fiesta to me. only a few people cried (say, below 10) and there were lots of food! i heard they had 3 pigs butchered for the viands for a whole barangay, plus one more for the lechon, and a cow. waw. see? its a reunion. XD

im not saying though that somebody from the clan ought to die soon for everybody to meet again. and it would be a lot better if we had a planned reunion right? XD

apparently, i am afraid of death. i abhor that word, especially its sad goodbye parts with all those tears.

but man has to return to dust from where he came from. life is a natural process of birth, living, and dying that i must learn to accept. if not for dying, the gift of birth and the joy of living amidst all its ugly sad will not be appreciated, wont be recognized.

so i had a resolution. i used to say that if i had to die, i want to have an instant death. the kind where i dont have to be stuffed with all those tubes and pipes; where i dont have to drink or to be injected with medicines in jargons; where i dont have to look pathetic due to weight loss or with a bald head, and many more reasons.

i dont want to be supersick. and that includes illnesses like cancer, or diabetis, or hypertension, or kidney trouble and more on the list.

more to that, i am most afraid of the expenses that can rocket up to the heavens.

i can say these since i have been a first hand witness on how ugly, worse, maddening an illness can be. my mom was a breast cancer patient. and that was so far the hellest ride in life i had. it was expensive, emotionally battering, and mom’s loss triggered the destruction of our family’s foundation.

on her first year her left breast was removed. she had to undergo chemotheraphy sessions which sideeffects includes nausea, vomitting, weight loss and hair loss. prior to the treatment, series of laboratory tests are to be conducted which will dictate her schedule for the chemo. she had a whole year of that. and i can assure you nothing can match the pain of a daughter seeing her mom going through all these.

apart from the chemo sessions, she had a handful of supplements and medicines to maintain.

after the treatment, she was fine. her hair has grown black, her built improved. and we all thought she’s gonna be okay since then. we forgot what the doctor told us during her stay at the hospital.

cancer is a traitor. once you have that, it will never be flushed out of your body. your mom is already in stage two, which means, recurrence should be expected on her 5th-8th year.

and it sure did reoccur. medical terms say it has metasticized to her right breast and bones. and it was the time she gave up on everything but not GOD. she lost her trust on medicines and decided not to undergo treatments anymore. we cant do anything but to follow what she wants.

she lived for another year. but when the pain was unbearable, we decided to had her admitted at Davao Doctors Hospital. and she stayed there for almost a month. her physician told us to ready ourselves.

i hadnt readied myself enough. and it was really painful.

this is why i pray to God to not let me supersick. and that is why we should also look for our health, take care of what God has given us.

but in the end, it His will that will be done, no matter how we deny it.

Dont ask me to dance if i dont want to.

i shall dance if i want to sing

i will dance if i have to.

give me a good music where i can sing my lungs out, and we shall dance together.

but never toss me into a situation where i will have to.

dont make me sing when im not in the mood.

i shall sing whenever i hear a familiar song that i like

i can sing when im drunk

i will sing when i have to.

treat me to beer and it shall be perfect to sing together

play a good song and you will be amazed how i will feel it

but never give the condition that i should sing.

cause i’d dance when i’d care to

cause i’d sing when i’d please to

i can do both for you if i’d love to

but dont make me do the two just to please you or worse, the black shadows with biting stares around

if you insit in doing so, there would be two choices where you can select from:

1. forget then that i exist, cause its pretty a simple task for me to accomplish

2. if you cannot do so and still continue to bug me, see you in hell my dear. id be forcing you to do those things you had me silly performed back on earth and id be slitting your neck if you refuse to. in hell, it sure is easy and allowable to do such thing.

its not like im speaking in metaphors or something like that, cause can be literal sometimes too, you know.

i was able to finish the whole hana kimi series last weekend. it wasnt a blast though since the last episode seemed bitin, or should i say, never happened the way id wanted it. we often sulk at something that we dont get but we have longed for, or at least expected, right?

anyway, that discussion deserves another post. i have decided to compile in here all in the information about Wu Chun, so far (*wink wink* XD), that i have gathered from the internet. these are mostly from the entertainment sites of Asia. most of the articles were written in English! thank God!

okay so let’s start from the basics.

Wu Chun or Wu Zun, as he is called in the industry, is born from a wealthy Chinese family in Brunei. his real name is Goh Kiat Chun will be turning 29 by october 10. of course that makes him a libra.. uhm, i wonder what horoscope sign fits best for librans in terms of love? its got to be aquarius! *day dreaming* XD

he is the youngest among them and has an older brother and sister. must be spoiled huh? he finished Business Administration in RMIT, Australia (must be filthy rich for him to get that kind of education).. he can speak five languages (Mandarin, English, Hokkien, Malay, and Cantonese) and is a well traveled person.

before entering showbiz, he was a gym instructor and a model.

he was discovered in Taiwan during one of his travels, by ella’s older sister’s boyfriend who was a producer. his debut series was for Tokyo Juliet with another Taiwanese girl. i think her name was aileen something. anyways, guess that series didnt kick off since Wu Chun’s stardome really started after pairing up with Ella Chen in Hana Kimi. he is also one of the 4 vocalists of a Taiwan-based boy band, Farenheit, and is the only non-Taiwanese among them.

cute huh?!

wu chun is definitely one of the hottest stars in asia right now. imagine, he even got me writing this one.

honestly, i dont have that hag for pop music, much more of the boys making all those i love you moves ( i cant even describe it clearly, but just remember how backstreet or westlife do it and you’d get me). i listen to boy band songs or dance with hot gil groups not that i buy their albums but because they stream the airwaves. radios and televisions exist everywhere right? and i prefer rock, grunge and indie or country ballad.

so getting kinda lost with wu chun is pretty unusual. but he deserves it. i mean with those angel-like looks, devilish hot body, plus plus plus the cute laughing eyes and those kissable lips, and i heard he’s also good-natured too, it would rather be pretty off if he aint getting the attention he’s enjoying right now.

i first saw him on hanakimi just recently, although it has been aired a year ago in some other Asian countries. Philippines, is always late on what’s hot in Asia i think. and i superlove the flow of the story and the funny scenes, and that cute pairing with ella chen. of course, the credit also goes with all the other characters like jiro wang (sui yi), senior nan, daishou, mei tien, and some others that i cant write because its hard to memorize their names (hihihi).

it was like the cast didnt outcast each other, instead they made the other characters looked good. so para bang wu chun’s character (quan) was emphasized more by sui yi and the others but not necessarily getting them off the hook. Quan wont be noticed if not for them.

hahay. wu chun is really handsome! i just so adore him! he also got me surfing the net for him! hahaha.. and i did get tidbits about his biography, but oddly, i didnt find anything on him having a girlfriend. there were some articles saying he and ella chen dated after their shoot, but i found no confirmation. so i guess that was just for hana kimi promotions.

he’s running 29 and no girlfriend? and there’s this youtube video of him kissing his co-band member on the lips in front of a huge crowd! that was also i think part of their album promotions (i really didt understand the video since it was all in chinese!) but it still gave me a slight feeling that he might be gay. that would be really awful then!! i hope not! he’s so hot, he shouldn’t be gay! but if ever he is, i’d still marry him if he would ask me to. *grins* i can be a lesbian for him if he want to. hahahaha!

i still cant get enough of wu chun which means there would be more of posts like these about him!

this is the opening song of hana kimi taiwan, by a taiwanese group, S.H.E, where Ella Chen, the lead actress is a part of. searched all over esnips and google for it!

i am still figuring out how can i paste the player in here. but as for now, just click on the link. it will redirect you to where th music is.

i also included its lyrics so that you can sing with it. its in chinese but its pretty cute.

i hope you like it!

 

i just love the taiwanese comedy-drama tv series starred by wu chun and ella chen entitled, hana kimi. i bumped into it last week, when i found my cousins drooling over it on tv. their ear cracking laughters plus the giggles made more curious. it was a thursday and i was finishing my early morning-before work rituals when a song got my attention and towed to watch with them. the song wasnt in english, and im not even sure if its hokkien or mandarin, or what. basta its cute.

the plot is ordinary. i mean, i have seen or read or heard general scenarios where a young girl risked everything in hiding her real identity in enrolling herself in an exclusive for boys university just to see her idol high jump. but the facial gestures of the lead actress, the comical storyline, and the chemistry of ella and chun, that makes the series more than perfect! that morning, it got me so into the scenes that it was too late to realize i have been an hour late for work!

i dont have the luxury of time to watch each episode on tv every morning, and i cant afford to be late always, or else id get kicked. its a good thing there’s crunchyroll and misoju that feeds the thirst for asiannovelas. these two, i should say, unless somebody is to suggest a new one, is the best, and is definitely better than youtube in hosting asiannovelas aired/airing/or soon to be aired in our local tv network. i can have all night long finishing 3-5 episodes of hana kimi.

i have finished up to the 7th episode this morning, which kept me awake until 3 am. and it still gets better!

i wish to finish the whole story by weekend.